Sex Toys and Relationships
March 20, 2006 06:59 pm
Many people have thought about trying sex toys at one time or another,
but usually are reticent because they are too embarrassed to try it.
Lots of other people who already enjoy sex toys and would
like to use them with their partners, do not because they are too reluctant to bring their
erotic toys to the bedroom. They fear offending their loved ones or worse yet, being judged by their loved ones.
Yet, there are others out there who try to share a favorite sex toy with a partner, but receive
negative reactions from their parters. Whatever the situation,
it is possible to introduce sex toys into your relationship. In fact,
we recommend it for the following reasons:
Sex Toys Naturally Feel Good. - We are all human. Orgasms feel good, period. Sex toys help you have
better, stronger, longer orgasms, which is always a good thing.
Sex Toys Can Make It Fun. - It happens to all couples. Couples are bound to get bored with their sex lives at some point in their
relationship. Sex toys can add spice to your relationship and keep things from getting mundane.
Using a sex toy together with your partner can bring you closer; sharing new experiences together can be very intimate.
Sex Can Be Better With Sex Toys. - Many women have difficulty achieving orgasms unless they
receive clitoral stimulation, which can be difficult to manage during intercourse. In addition,
many men have trouble sustaining their erections as long as they would like. When used correctly, sex toys can
help in both of those situations. They can also enhance a perfectly good lovemaking session,
to the next level and make it into an outstanding one.
Those facts alone should be compelling enough to convince most couples to try
sex toys. However the reality is that introducing sex toys into a relationship
for the first time can be tricky. Not every partner is as liberal, open-minded, and
adventurous as you may be. Your partner may need some convincing. To deal with
such tricky situations, it's best to discuss you and your partner's feelings about
the use of sex toys in a relationship. Getting a sense of the tolerance for trying
out new things is important so that you can determine the pace in which you can
introduce sex toys in the bedroom.
Most are not educated and have misconceptions about sex toys in general.
However, you should always treat your lover's concerns seriously. Don't patronize
them or their current state of inexperience. Be prepared to deal
with just about anything, including feelings of inadequacy, emotional discomfort
and ignorance. You probably won't know your lover's true feelings towards the use
of sex toys until you discuss it and actually try out the sex toys. However,
you can anticipate a few responses to some common attitudes about sex toys.
1. Sex toys are for perverts, sluts and freaks.
Many kinds of people use sex toys privately, including people most would consider perfectly normal.
Yes, I'm sure the perverts, weirdoes, sluts and freaks douse sex toys. But so do doctors, lawyers, housewives,
teachers, accountants, bus drivers, secretaries, and just about anyone else you can think of.
Using a sex toy doesn't make you "weird". It just makes you have an orgasm! If your partner has
this fear, suggest that he or she talk to his or her friends about it, or do some Internet
research on the subject. Your lover might be surprised by how common sex toy usage can be.
2. Sex toys are only for masturbation.
While sex toys are commonly used for masturbation, many couples enjoy using sex toys together.
It doesn't mean that there's anything wrong
with your relationship. It's quite the opposite. Usually the kinds of people who are comfortable
trying new things together are open-minded, intimate, comfortable and trusting. Using a sex
toy together is a good way to reaffirm the strength of your relationship. If your lover has
this concern, try giving him or her a book on using sex toys to add excitement to your
partnership.
3. Your partner will feel inadequate if you start using a sex toy.
Many people express concern that bringing a sex toy into their relationship will hurt
their partner's feelings. It's understandable: a huge, vibrating penis that brings you to
climax every time? Who wouldn't be jealous? Seriously, a sex toy can give you an orgasm,
but it can't cuddle with you afterwards. Sex toys will never replace live humans. If your
lover has this fear, be sensitive and stroke his or her ego a little bit. As with most
relationship issues, good communication can go a long way to solving the problem.
4. Using sex toys can be physically dangerous.
Absolutely untrue! In fact, sex toys can have very positive effects on your sexual health.
For example, menopausal women can use dildos to maintain vaginal tone, staving off incontinence
and other sexual health issues. Many doctors and therapists recommend sex toys to women
who have trouble reaching orgasm. And finally, a healthy relationship with your body is
beneficial to your overall health. Using sex toys heightens your awareness of your body
and its functions, making you more alert to abnormalities such as bumps, lumps or abrasions.
If your partner is worried about physical dangers, sit down and surf the Net together.
Any sexual or general health site can assuage his or her fears.
5. If you use sex toys too much, you won't have an orgasm with your partner.
We hear that one all the time! Yes, the earthshaking orgasms produced by a vibrator
can be psychologically addictive, but they don't take the place of a real person.
Think about it: most people have been using their hands to masturbate since they
were young, yet they usually prefer partner sex to solo sex, don't they? If your
partner is afraid you'll replace him or her with your battery-powered pal, promise
him or her that you'll keep your sex life varied: try different positions, new toys,
role playing and fantasy, both in partner sex and solo sex. Boredom and repetition
often cause bed death.
6. If your relationship is solid, there's no reason why you should need a sex toy.
As we've already suggested, using a sex toy with your lover can actually strengthen
your relationship. You need to have a certain amount of closeness to share this intimate
new experience together. Using a sex toy can be a good affirmation of that closeness.
If your lover doesn't think you need a sex toy to brighten up your sex life, assure him
or her that you don't need a sex toy either, you'd just like to try one. Again, your
local bookstore has many books on sexual intimacy.
7. Buying sex toys can be really embarrassing and sometimes intimidating.
Quite some time ago I went to a local store to grab some toys for my girlfriends. It wasn't a very pleasant experience for me at all. The cashier was a very intimidating guy who constants peaks over and watches over my head to see what I was picking out. From that point on, I have never bought another sex toy from a local store. At our online store, you shop at the discreet environment of your own home in front of your own computer. It is totally comfortable. In addition, no local stores can beat the selections we have and our low prices.
If you've addressed each of these misconceptions with your partner and he or she
is still apprehensive about using a sex toy with you, take it slow. Be patient and
think creatively. Don't press the issue or you might get an incontrovertible "no"!
Try flattering your partner, show him or her how much you enjoy his or her body, and make
the most of your sexual time together. It's possible he or she isn't ready for that
level of intimacy yet, but with time and effort, your lover might change his or her
mind. You might also try buying a book or watching a video
together. Your partner might be embarrassed to admit he or she doesn't know how sex
toys work. Instructional materials can often alleviate your partners functional
concerns.
Once you are able to bring the toy into the relationship, here are a few basic commonsense tips.
Start slow. - Save the double dong or strap-on dildo for future encounters. Try a nice,
simple rocket vibrator. Once your sweetie is used to the vibe, you can trade up.
Be gentle. - Your partner may like it on the rough side, but hold back a little the
first few times you play with toys. There's plenty of time to accelerate!
Talk to your partner. - He or she may have agreed to use the toy, but that doesn't
mean your lover is 100% comfortable with the idea. Talk your way through the experience.
Ask your partner if what you are doing together feels good. If it doesn't, try something else.
Use lubrication. - Sex toys need lots of lube to slip and slide the way they should.
The last thing your girlfriend needs to worry about is whether she's wet enough to enjoy
herself. Similarly, you don't want to risk injury to male or female partners by inserting
something into a dry orifice. Keep a bottle of lube handy and use it.
Be flexible. - The toy you've selected might turn out to be totally wrong for your
sexual personalities. That's okay. Put it aside and try something different.
Be patient. - Your partner may agree to play with the toy, and then change his or
her mind midway through the experience. That's his or her prerogative.
Be patient and try again another time. It might take awhile, but it will be worth the wait.
The important thing to remember is that your relationship is a partnership, which
implies that both of you are in this together. You make the decision together and you
select the toy together. If your lover feels as though he or she can trust you,
things will go much better for you and your toy. Sharing the experience goes a long
way to promoting that trust. One last thing, Good Luck and Enjoy! |
