Pushing Boundaries: Introducing Bondage into Your Relationship
February 10, 2010 01:00 pmBondage is sort of a tricky subject for some couples because not everyone's idea of what is sexually arousing is the same and for many, there is a fine line between sexy and downright scary when it comes to the idea of giving up control to another or even taking the control yourself. The term 'bondage' or 'BDSM' itself is a loaded one that conjures up images of whips, chains and pain and for some those images can actually classify as disturbing or offensive which is why you need to tread cautiously and use a little tact if trying to open up your partner to the idea of bondage.
Clearing up some misconceptions about what classifies as 'bondage' may help you plead your case to your hesitant partner. For instance the one that bondage needs to involve pain and suffering. There is no set rule as to how much pain, if any, needs to be involved in bondage so what you do is really up to you and your boundaries even if you do nothing more than use a blindfold or a tickler! How is that bondage you ask? Well, a blindfold is a great way to add a sense of vulnerability for the submissive because they are unable to see and having to place their trust into the one who is not blindfolded, ultimately giving up some control. As for the tickler; tickle torture is a lot easier to get someone with reservations about bondage to submit to than a spanking or whipping!
From the moment you decide that you're going to approach your partner about bondage you'll need to practice some patience and be ready to communicate. As a matter of fact, communication is by far the most important part of bondage play and you'll need good communication between you and your partner to be able to establish boundaries and to gauge things along the way for the experience to be the best possible and not result in anyone feeling like they've been abused in anyway. Again, there is a fine line between pain and pleasure and the last thing that you need is to find out that your partner felt like they were forced into anything. You not only risk ruining the relationship but jail time if you take things too far because of a breakdown in communication!
A great way for beginners to the scene to start exploring bondage is to use a bondage kit made for beginners. These kits offer some props that can be used for more vanilla play which refers to tamer practices and are pretty much as non-threatening as you can get so, meaning that there won't be anything too hardcore that may intimidate a newbie at first site. They include things like blindfolds, ticklers and soft restraints while some of the more advanced kits contain whips, clamps and even ball gags.
Starting off slow with a night of maybe blindfolding your partner and teasing them with kisses or tickles is a great way to build trust so that you can comfortably move things to another phase. A light spanking using the hand or a paddle could also prove surprisingly pleasurable as can letting your hesitant partner take the reigns at first to get a feel for this type of play. Ice cubes are another great addition to bondage for beginners because bondage is all about stimulating and teasing the senses, so running an ice cube along the body of someone who is blindfolded and/or bound offers a delicious mix of pleasure and surprise. The key is to help them to be comfortable while also encouraging them to step out of their comfort zone a little so that you can move on to some new and exciting things. It needs to be mutually enjoyable though if it's ever going to move forward into other more advanced forms of BDSM so take things step by step as opposed to trying to jump right into nipple clamps and leashes.
Another suggestion that can help you introduce your partner to bondage and BDSM is by watching a DVD together that features this sort of play. Watching others engaging in it may prove so arousing for your partner that they'll be saying 'Yes, yes, yes!' before you know it. On the same token though you don't want to get something that is too hardcore and risk scaring them off even more! The one that I recommend hands down is Nina Hartley's Guide to Erotic Bondage because it is an instructional video made with women in mind that takes you step by step through introducing bondage into a relationship. The fact that it's super hot to watch makes it all the better!
The exploration of bondage can breathe new life into a relationship and add an excitement that you never dreamed possible. There is something empowering about pushing your boundaries and exploring the unknown. Done right, it can bring you closer together and tickle your senses like nothing else. So be patient, take small steps, be considerate of each other and savor the pleasure that lies ahead. | 
